The Space Between My Ears

"Let me paint this picture for you, baby

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes

You cheated girl
My heart bleeds girl
So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt
Just a classic case
A scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right

But girl I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy
You'll see

(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey"

 

 

 

Here's a more recent photo...

 

Woooo! Finished my forklift training! 100%. I must be a natural...

Well today I begin weight training again. I will most likely be shooting for every week day and take my weekends off. Or maybe just one day, we'll see. I'm also going to speak with a friend @ work and see if he wants to join me once a week to really push ourselves. It's much easier with someone else to keep you motivated. Anyways, not much else to write. Later.

So here's the scoop.

Even when I manage to set time aside to update, I never really know what to write. So in the spirit of my conversations with various people, and in the spirit of the Christmas season (bah ), I've finally decided on what to start with for my update.

 

The old saying "You never know what you've got till it's gone", rings ever so true in my ears. There are so many things in this world we take for granted. Too many to count really, because if you break it down, everything we have we take for granted. The air we breathe, without it we'd be dead. The food we eat. Without it, again, dead. The people we care about, hell even the people we despise. Without them, there would be no reason to live. Things like this though are so common everyday things, that none of us really stop to think about. Even myself. Well, haha, not really cause it's kind of what I'm writing about. But, when I'm done writing, I'll probably go back to taking it for granted. Okay, whatever. This is going nowhere. You get the picture.  Anyways, I propose a challenge to anyone who is reading this. A challenge I will also participate in, in fact be the first to do it. I challenge you to think of one thing. Just one thing, you feel that you've taken for granted, and find a way to appreciate it more. Or show that person your appreciation for it. In the comment space, write in what that thing is, and maybe in a few weeks, we can go back and check and see how you've done.

 

I'll start with the one big thing, I've taken for granted. My own family. I'm really starting to miss them. As bad as this sounds, when you live with people for most of your life, you begin to really lose touch, as you want to get away more and more. Well now that I'm away, I really miss them. My dads boring lectures, my moms "invasion of privacy" (), my sister always insisting I hug her and my mom (). Even the things that you grow to hate, you also grow to love. And like the saying above, you really don't miss it till it's gone. So my challenge? To try to get online more to cam with my family. To try to call home more often, just basically to set aside some time to talk to them. I know I'd never really tell them I love them, but maybe, by doing this, I can get my point across.

So there. That's my challenge. Now what's yours?

I read an interesting few lines from a book that I'd like to share.

"They are the words of Buddha as his disciples remembered them."

 

Choice

 

Your life is determined by

the nature of mind.

 

A disturbed mind creates a miserable life.

Suffering follows this mind

like the cart behind a horse.

 

A silent mind creates a peaceful life.

Happiness will follow this mind

like an ever-present shadow.

 

Living in the confusion of a disturbed mind,

the false is mistaken for the truth

and the truth for the false.

 

Living in awareness with a silent mind,

you will arrive at truth

and easily recognize the false as false.

 

A troubled mind is like a bad roof in the rain-

the house it is trying to protect becomes flooded.

Awareness, like a good roof,

protects the home in bad weather.

 

Tormented by thoughts during the day,

flooded by nightmares in the night,

the mind is the cause of great suffering.

 

Providing silence and calm

the simple practice of meditation

gives rise to peace and tranquility.

 

There are those that will recite

words of great teaching,

like a cowherd counting the cows of others.

 

One who practices meditation

experiences peace.

His actions are in accord with existence,

his words full of truth.

 

 

 

Good advice, I may just have to try that. 

Well I hope everyone got their postcards! I know I was a little late sending them, but with the whole only toking on weekends thing, it's making it easier to find that motivation! Anyways, anybody who didn't get a postcard, just e-mail me your mailing address and I will go out and get one. Each day I miss everybody a little bit more, but with each day I feel more and more comfortable here. So I just need to wait for the day I get some balance between them. Which feels ever closer.

 

Some updates methinks....

 

The job is going good. Still not *exactly* as tough as I had hoped. Labour wise. But the stress and constant multitasking from one dept to the next keeps things interesting...I guess.  From what I hear I've been making a good impression with the bosses, but I'm finding myself trying too hard to keep par with some of the people who have been there for longer. I'm starting to push myself a little too much, and find myself failing and causing myself that much more stress. I think I need to set a pace, stick to it, and only push myself a little bit each day. It's not like physical labour, where I can actually tired myself out. Doing alot of menial tasks too quickly, and trying to take on too much too fast, isn't as physical straining as it is mental. And (so I started my sentence with "and". Deal with it. ) there is no real limit as to how much I can push myself that way, so I keep pushing and like I said, just can't seem to keep up. I mean really, this is just a small town. I should just relax.  The money has been better then I thought, so hopefully things can get paid off a little faster. But with Christmas approaching I'm finding it more and more difficult as well. If I just bear with it though, I'm sure everything will work out in the end.

 

What else, OH RIGHT! I finally bought Final Fantasy : Advent Children and it rocked! I saw it at the video store for rent, but I just had to wait until I could own it to watch it. The graphics were stunning and the story was freakin wild. To hear all of the music from the game and to see the characters you once played as. It was quite the experience and I had to watch it again last night. The special features on the 2 disc set are lacking in quantity but were still mildly interesting! And well shit, you just HAVE to see Clouds final attack at the end. That's some crazy shit!!!

 

So me and Ash went Red Deer on the weekend and hit the mall and due to my better paycheque I got a little carried away and blew a hundred bucks.  (Shut up, that's alot to just blow at the mall when you've got bills to pay...) Everything was worth it though. We picked up this really nice bamboo kinda walk through the doorway thingy. I'll try to get a pick up of it as soon as I can. It's really cool! Kinda gives us a bit of a door way between the furnace and the pole.  I also picked up a new nipple shield! (WOO!) And I'll have a pic of that up below. Ashley bought all 3 X-Men movies over the course of the last while, and we just watched those too. I almost forgot everything from the 3rd one so that was fun.

 

I think that's about it for exciting news unfortunately...Like I've said before there isn't much to do here. But we are doing good and it does feel like things are getting better and better!

 

Well it's like 10:15 here. Went to bed last night @ 3am and got up at 9. It's kinda weird, and I'm not really tired at all. Though I'm not used to having a regular schedule, I think my body just doesn't understand what "day off" means. Oh well. I think I'm going to go grab my blades and take the puppy out for a bit before I go pick up Ash for lunch.

 

Again, anybody who wants some snail mail, please e-mail me your mailing address! (breach1@hotmail.com)

 

Take care, enjoy the pics and I still miss all of ya!

Right on. Turns out I'm not going to be looking for a job for a while. The store manager pulled me in her office today to find out "where I'm at" and how things are going...Well....before I could even open my mouth, she complimented me on how I handle the customers, said I get along with everyone in the store, and that I bust my ass! Fuck yeah. So she's giving me a raise! It's not exactly what I was looking for, but I told her I'd give it a shot for a while. She said that's cool, and then we can meet again later down the road and see how things are then. WOOOO!!!! Good day today! Not much else to report though unfortunately, but I'll try to update a little more often. Later all, and I miss the shit out of all of ya...

   I know. I guess if I update this thing more often, more people will read it. But in truth, I haven't really done much to warrant another blog entry unfortunately. Money is tight, and my job ain't that good. I'm in the process of looking for a new job cause this one just isn't cuttin it. I think I may have mentioned that in my last blog, but I can't remember. Oh well. So yeah. Job sucks. Not enough money, and I can't stand working with people who want their money covered in canine shit, cause all they do is fuck the damn thing all day. I'll earn my money thank you. So yeah, couple different options right now. With the rigs being the last LAST resort. Most of you know how much I disliked my job on the road. What with the being away from home all the time, and I mean I already moved 2 provinces away from all my friends and family. The LAST thing I want is to do is never even be home here...

   And I know I told alot of people I was going to be sending postcards, I really just haven't had enough time to get to it...I do have tommorow off, so hopefully if I come online, I'll see this blog and kick my own ass in gear. :P

   Also on a side note, I'm going to have to slow down on the whole pot thing again. It's really not helping my situation and it's quite costly. I think it may turn into just a weekend kinda thing. If that.

   I'll also have to find a way to get my weights down from Kitchener cause I really need to get back into that again. I've been slacking off too much and I'm not getting any beefier. Specially with this job. It's not very labour intensive...I've got my small weights in the car, so I'll take them out for now to get started, and I've started putting on ankle weights again at work, just to kind of up the ante a little. I just don't feel like I'm working hard enough. Yuck. I mean look at the May 07, 2005 pictures. I used to be BEEFY! Fuck I miss that. I was so proud. :P A little hard work and some motivation, and I'm sure I can get back up there!

   Anyways, gonna split, maybe smoke my last few bowls for a while and chill out in front of a good movie with my baby. Good night everyone, and again, I miss the shit out of all of ya. Don't be afraid to leave a comment. It really is kinda lonely up here...

You suck. You ALL suck! Okay, maybe not. Just the people that don't comment. Anyways, I got thursday off and sat, sun, mon. So I'll try to get on here sometime on the weekend. But I'll be on Thursday most of the day for sure. So come on. I miss all of ya :P. Later.

Check out the new pics. It's been a while since I've had a chance to get them up!

Well. This is it. In a few hours we begin our journey to the mountains. I will miss everybody like you don't even understand. My guts are in a knot as it is but I know it will get better when I'm settled in. I will message everyone when I get there and let you all know I made it safe.

To all my family, friends and co-workers, I wish you all the best in the pursuit of your own happiness. I will never forget any of you. Thank you all for everything you all have ever done from me, and this would be so much easier if you all were not as wonderful as you are. I'm gonna end this short before I start crying, so again. See you all later, and you know I'd never say it in person, but I love you all. Thanks again.

Okay, well just a quick update....

Yup, I've decided to go, and we will be leaving July 22.

July 20th will be my last day of work! WOOO!!!!!!

Alberta, here I come!!

Some pics of us!

 

Well I'd just like to announce the good news!

I'm engaged!

My baby said "Yes!" on Valentines day and we can't wait till we can set a date!

I've never met anyone who just fills in all the little gaps in me, but I'm glad I have! I love you baby and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! 

 

 

Okay well. Guess it's time for an update, and after waiting in the doctors office this morning for 40 minutes, just for the snobby receptionist to tell me to book and appointment for tommorow @ 9:30. Yay. All I wanted was some Tylenol 3's. I even told her that. Do I really have to book an appointment for my doctor to write some shit down on a little piece of paper?? Give me a fucking break. My back hurts. I want pills. Grrrr...

 

Okay well anyways, haven't updated in a while so here's the scoop.

 

Christmas, meh, it was allright. Not a big fan of the whole Christmas thing, but it was mine and Ashley's first Christmas together, so that made all the difference. Got hooked up with some pretty sweet shit. Got personalized plates for my car! WOOOO! I'll have some pics of that up shortly too. Got a whole bunch of stuff from Ashley's parents which fuckin rocked too. I'd go into detail about everything, but my back hurts. Stoopid doctor.

 

New Years? Yeah that was okay too. Just wanted a quiet evening so me and Ashley spent the night in. Got a little tipsy and we ended up passing out about 9:30. Slept right through New Years. Hahahaha. Oops.

 

Things with us are going geat! I don't think I've ever met anyone as perfect as she is. We haven't had a real fight yet, and from the way things are going I don't think we ever will.  Her parents are the shit. No I mean seriously. Well not seriously they are shit. They fuckin rock. I don't think I've ever felt excited about getting to see someones parents again in a few months. They are coming down from Alberta and staying in Cambridge for a bit. I really can't wait to hang out with them. They are some cool cats!  And from the sounds of things I think they are pretty fond of me too!

Went to apply for a mortgage and unfortunately because of my outstanding loan, I won't be able to get one just yet.  I still have to pay off the loan and then there shouldn't be a problem. Grrrr....oh well, I had to wait for alot of things in my life, and I guess I'll just have to wait for a house too. Ashley's offered to help pay some of my debt, but I really don't like that idea at all. I mean seriously, it's my debt. Not hers. But I love her to death for the offer! My best friend has also been looking for a place as well, but unfortunately it's gonna be a little longer then I expected... (but I guess when isn't it really...) We've been looking at some places and stuff, but I really don't want to get excited about much right now cause if we do find something we like, it could be sold by the time we can afford it. So I'd rather just wait.

 

Still lookin to get out of Zehrs. The bullshit has been swept under the carpet for now, but I just know one day the pile is gonna get so big that somebody's gonna trip over it and the shit is gonna fly everywhere again. I just still don't understand how people who have "said" they were your friends for years, can stab you in the back. I understand I may be the only employee in my dept with a dick, but that does not warrant the whole dept to turn on me. And to this day, I still don't even know why. I've been told it was because I had a dick and got more respect in the dept, and that I don't get in trouble as much as everybody else. I get in trouble more then anymore in the dept. There's alot more bullshit that I'd rather not get into right now as it's only going to piss me off even more. Either way, I ain't putting up with anyones bullshit at work anymore. I just work there. End of story.

 

Well, I really wish I could have ended this blog on a happier note, but I really can't think of anything else to say. Hahahaha. Anyways, hope you all had a good Christmas and New Years and I'll be back to write more. At some point.

later.

Okay, just on my lunch break, but my baby is off at work too :( So I got a little time to update my blog. Not enough time for everything I want to write, but I'll get started anyways.

 

They say that music nowadays is bad for our children, but seriously, listen to Christmas music, music that has been around for generations, mentally programming our children.

 

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus..."

I mean seriously. So what are we telling our kids? That it's allright if mommy has a "friend" over dressed as Santa Claus, and it's okay if she makes out with him. IN FRONT OF THE CHILD NO LESS. It doesn't matter if the song says that it's daddy under that costume. That kid sees his mom making out with "Santa Claus", but I guess that's okay cause he's Santa, right? Right? Oh wait, it gets better.

"Oh what a laugh it would have been, if daddy has only seen..." A laugh? A LAUGH? So it's all just a big funny joke too? Something tells me that if daddy came home and caught mommy with "Santa Claus" there woulda been hell to pay! I think I've figured it out. Here's how the story goes.

 

"...he sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when your awake..." So, here we have "Santa Claus", sitting at this familys house watching from the window. He's waiting for the husband to leave. I guess stalking people is okay too cause, well, Santa does it.

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus." Well the father has left and now the kid comes downstairs to find mommy in the arms of "Santa Claus".

"I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus..." Tickle? I'm sorry little girl, mommys head wasn't in Santas lap because she was giving him a rasberry.

So now the father comes home. All hell breaks loose and he runs off with "Santa's Sleigh".

Now we have the grandkids and their parents coming over for christmas. One of the grandkids gets out of the car and heads towards the house, only to be witness to

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer." Well. Grandma got mowed down by grandpa who has just walked in on grandma and "Santa Claus", "tickling".

 

--Theres more I'd like to add but I gotta head back to work, I'll try and remember to finish.

Yeah, not much new to report. Well anything really big news. Just some new pics that we've collected! Enjoy!

 

Well today is the day!! Holy SHIT! I'm leaving in like 2 1/2 hours to leave to go pick up my baby! I can't believe it's today! This is crazy! I'm so fuckin excited!!! K well I got alot of shit to do still, but just wanted to let you know! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'll update my blog.

 

There.

 

Hehehehe.

 

Later.

Well, it's been quite some time since I last updated my space. I haven't really had much to say, nor anything exciting enough to make me want to come on here and write about it. Well, until now. It seems that I am faced with a series of problems that must be dealt with immediately. I have to make descisions that will be affecting my life drastically. Well, kinda depends on my descisions really...

 

I'm broke. I basically do not have even enough money to buy myself food. (For some reason though, I am factoring cigarettes cause they are about the only thing that's making me feel better. Not too mention I have my parents kitchen to raid if I need food.) As far as today, I have narrowed down my options to the following... (consolidating my debt I believe will be included in all of these...)

 

1. Find a full time job here. One that gives me more hours and more money.

2. Get a second job on top of this one.

3. Move to Alberta and possibly work on a rig.

 

Now, the first 2 are nice, but the only way I would pick either of those if is Ashley decides to move down here still. Then I'd have no problem! The last one would probably only be if she was not going to come down here. I care alot about money, only to the point that I need it to survive, but I care about Ashley more then anything else right now. I'm, not going to go with option 1 or 2 if she's not going to be here with me...that would really suck cause then I'd still never see her and I'd fucking stay depressed and not want to work anyways. She is my motivation to get my ass in gear right now...  Now the third option, would be if she does not want to move here because I could still pay off my debt just as fast there working on the rigs, and though I may not see her that often (working the rigs is basically the same as the work I did on the road for Zehrs. I'm sure you all remember how much bullshit that was...), but at least I would get to see her. And that's all I really want right now. Unfortunately, I'm getting phone calls for people who want my money, and whatever I decide, I have to decide soon and get the ball rolling, otherwise I'll be in even worse shape then I am now. Any input from anyone would be great. Ideas, options, whatever. I really need everyones advice cause I was never really prepared for this. I'll add more if there's more to write, but for now, I just gotta think shit through. Later.

Well, as of about 7pm today. I'm home. Went to Zehrs to say hi and get my pics developed. Sherry put em on a cd for me (well the newest ones) so once I get them all on a cd I will post them up here for you guys to check out. I miss my baby like crazy, and we are back to the bullshit that is the webcam. Though without it, it would probably be even harder... Gonna be house sitting for a friend starting tuesday for like 2 weeks I think, but I'll be able to get on and update. More to add later, and lots of stories when I'm not so much tired. :P Later.